Instead of faking being ok. I have vowed to feel all the good, the bad and the ugly. My decision to face life on life's terms means not always being ok. It means pain but it also means joy. That joy doesn't pack up when things are hard, it sustains me. I know now that the tide always turns.
I have been cultivating resilience over and over. I know who I am now. It's not a version of anyone I was, it's not draped in rhetoric or dogma. I don't let fear consume me. I get up, dust myself off and keep going.
The lens I see the world through now is free. I am free to be joyful because I don't cling to old beliefs and hurtful memories.
I don't need crutches to live, I'm not hanging onto a safety net of ideals. It's a living and breathing a knowing that I'm ok no matter how dark the skies.
It's taken 46 years to be reborn.