I had an ongoing list of wrongs for anytime I felt I deserved to either self destruct or attack.
I unknowingly had been throwing a tantrum for 40 years and like a child that had not been included I would hold you hostage in my mind. How dare you hurt me!?
I would proceed to create a movie in my head of all the ways I hated you and all the things I wanted to say. Replay over and over.
This was me acting out my anger on other people. I refused to look at myself so I attacked others because it made me feel better about myself and a great excuse to self destruct.
I have two choices, look at myself when I'm angry/resentful and question my part or stick to the story I'm telling myself and prepare for an early death. Today I chose to live.