If I have to describe this time I'd say it's a feeling of groundlessness. Free falling without being able to grab onto anything. That's the level of fear that keeps popping up inside me. This fear has been crushing. I'm physically exhausted, feeling like I can sleep all the time if I could.
I've learned a lot about handling my emotions, fears, anxiety ect. I honestly thought I was cured from ever falling off into a depression again. I had a toolbox for of tools and figured I'd handle things. What I didn't count on was a lot of big things happening at once.
My mind remembers how to handle this.. My body automatically shifts into flight mode. I'm not letting myself leave. I'm making myself be with the discomfort of it all. So my brain says oh what about freeze? Let's just fall asleep right here. That has been involuntarily pulling me down.
It hit me. I'm more than these things. I have overcome worse with less emotional maturity. I can do this no matter how hard.