We know that a drinking problem is destructive but so are all the other ways we numb. It helped me to understand others a lot more through this lens.
I take nothing personal. I used to get a hot face, be ready to cuss someone out, even further back in the day I'd throw down because if you insulted me, you were the enemy.
Nothing pissed me off more than snooty people gossiping about me but here's the deal, I was scared that the things they said were true.
Once I figured out who I am that went away. I am not any mistake or unmet expectation.
The next step was OK then, why are they hurling hate at me then? Enter in the understanding that people the hurt people, are hurt people.
It doesn't mean I have to go to lunch with them but my heart softened just a bit as I started to understand that people that are constantly judging and talking bad about others are literally some of the most insecure and sad people. I no longer wanted to hurt them back.. I feel sad for them.
I have also learned a great deal about grace and forgiveness. It is easier to forgive a mean person when I view them as the children that they are because most of the venom was put into them as a child.
I no longer felt the need to respond with snarky comebacks, well placed social media posts or retaliation. They are their own suffering.
If there is something I am doing to someone and they feel hurt, by all means let's talk it out but I no longer except anyone emotionally offloading their issues onto me.